Get it right


Yet reading Lewis’ piece on the NBA, I realized with growing excitement that my game is exactly like Shane Battier’s. Morey, Battier’s own GM, describes Battier as “a marginal NBA athlete.” Hey, I’m a marginal athlete. Morey notes that Battier can’t create his own shot. I can’t create my own shot! Morey says Battier “can’t dribble, he’s slow and hasn’t got much body control.” Check, check, and check!

Like Battier, I pride myself on doing the little, unflashy things that help my team win—the screens, the bounce passes, and the hard-nosed defense praised by sportswriters (and derided by playgrounders) as “fundamentally sound.” Like Battier, I think of myself as being, well, smart (smart enough to read the New York Times Magazine, anyway). Finally, I have an NBA-approved model to base my game on!

Check it out.

If you have two squads of roughly equal talent levels, and then you personally decide in a pickup game that you’ll focus on defense, spacing yourself properly on the court, moving without the ball and passing, it’s amazing how much better you can make your team be. And then there’s one dude who had an offer from UConn but couldn’t pass math who insists on dunking every possession. Screw you man, get a calculator and leave us to our game.


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